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First blog post

This is the post excerpt.

My 3 little ducks are my children Shayne, Zachary and Geogia.  Divorce hit me hard but not as hard as a man I had known for 20 years a man I would later find out had other women throughout our whole marriage, a man who said he never wanted children a man who would always say u wanted them u deal with them.  Often referring to my oldest child as idiot or stupid. This man was also motivated by boys toys and money his child support bill was alot he would then do the unthinkable my children brainwashed, they walked out my door one day telling me they loved me to telling me they never wanted to see me again. I remember that phone call like it was yesterday my daughter made the call.

I was in shock I remember the tears Rolling down my cheeks. This was 6 years ago it’s destroyed me in every way.  It’s the first time I had heard the word narcissist, it was then I knew I had been living with one for almost 20 years, the dictionary definition described my ex husband perfectly and I never knew.

He has gone on to remarry have another child.  I went on a road of self destruction the pain was just intolerable, I would of preferred a diagnosis of cancer at least there is medication for the pain. 

DIVORCE RESOURCE…TELL YOUR STORY AND BREAK THE CHAIN

http://www.divorceresource.com.au

Even if all is lost your journey may save someone else and more importantly their children from alienation.

30 years ago today my decision to join the ROYAL AUSTRALIAN NAVY would define me

30 years ago my god seems like an eternity I guess it kind of is. Proudly I know it made me who I am today

And would be what I would use to get me through some of lives toughest battles.

To my fellow comrades who also joined 8/2/88 Alpha Class of GE41 thank you for your service

Proudest Mum in the world… Stars have aligned

I can say proudly that my family have 4 generations of military service including the loss of my fathers uncle as a POW in Changi. My dads service in the Vietnam War, My grand father in the Second World War. I myself served in the Royal Australian Navy.

This week my second born child ZACHARY DEAN WILLIAMS will start his Service with the Royal Australian Navy basic training facility at HMAS CERBERUS.

I can tell you my father is watching from above because I can feel it this young man and him had a bond like no other.

I wish I could tell him all of this but as an alienated parent I can only hope the word gets through. The stars you ask well coincidentally when he joins it will be 30 years to the day that his mum then 17 joined the military.

I LOVE YOU SON, PROUD OF

ALONE, LONELY What’s worse?

I’ve been alone since I was 21 that’s when I got married that went for 17 years,yes still alone, and the last 8 years single by choice and yes you guessed it alone. But now because of some very cruel people I live with SOCIAL ANXIETY how lucky am I. I rarely go out isolation becomes your friend. Pre marriage I was always a very extroverted woman this part of my personality only seen by family and old friends. I do often laugh at my own jokes lol.

Lonely, sometimes sure but my marriage mentally abusive, the loss of my children to PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME, I knew it would be a long period of time before I even felt my heart beating since it was ripped from my chest the pain still lingers and I guess it always will.

But I know this man and he would be the man that saw me from the inside out this man cared enough and saved my life, he knows how I feel I just blurted it out recently then I started to feel that pain again he left it a couple of weeks he preceded to tell me he has cancer. What did I do to deserve no happiness in my life, he doesn’t want me wasting my time but maybe time is all we have. I think about him often and he is in my heart like it or not so I don’t believe I’m lonely anymore.

Was I asleep NO, I simply had this ridiculous notion there was good in everyone.. NOT

Recent counseling and case management from VVCS and for which I am ever so grateful, has

Somehow taught me to think differently, to think responsibly, to remember not everyone is like me and the millions of times my kindness has been taken for weakness is no more. That part of my brain that recognizes danger all that part of my brain that makes me think before I act I finally switched on. It was me that was allowing myself to be put into situations that were dangerous not thinking of course at the time.

I already live a very isolated life but the more life skills I re-educate myself with The less fear maybe even finding my extroverted self lost in an introverted world.

How many friends on your Facebook are a real true friend.. Honestly

I have 15, used to be lots more but then mental illness wanted to be my friend. This new friend, people don’t much like him but They don’t understand and generally don’t care he’s a very real part of who I am but wait a minute did I hear someone say crazy I’m not crazy not too often anyway. It makes me understand a lot more about disabled people down syndrome children adults cerybal palsy kids in wheel chairs, now I know how they felt ostracized isolated, then come the bullies, I was a bully at school there were 3 of us the other 2 haven’t changed a bit and me well one day I hope to see them in the gutter so I can know they rIshtar where they belong. My daughter was bullied in grade 4 it impacted her so deeply she wouldn’t do sports at school you see this bully Search my daughter doesn’t make you sick looking in the mirror on my my God a child doesn’t just develop this cruel ness it comes from the home and the mother whom I confronted in a similar manner said nothing she removed her child from the school. It took my little girl a long time to recover from that not only is she gorgeous on the outside she shines on the inside.

Coming back to mr mental illness what’s he look like etc nobody knows but those not so real true friends don’t wanna know and unfriend like potentially they are thinking Jason Friday the 13th flicks, family cousins, aunts, etc soon after hell maybe even your own mother. Then there are the ones that stay not afraid to talk about it to understand it more educated you may think maybe, if you tell me you have bone cancer as your friend I wanna know more about it so I can be their if u need me most people aren’t like that and now that mr mental illness, Mrs mental illness and their 3 kids joined my list I can tell you with no shame I have complex PTSD, Schizophrenia, depressive disorder, anxiety disorder and the worst one social anxiety a fear of people generally that I don’t know, my life is isolated but everyday I open the door take a few steps out its day by day.

What works For me is routine, medication, my blog, my 15 real true friends, music, dreaming about my future having it taken away needing new dreams. 2018 is my year of being at the helm of my future and my dreams

Thank you to everyone that pops in to have a read I sincerely thank you

Me and my daughter with my 2 sons below

Me and my daughter and my 2 sons below