My journey of destruction

So I’m 40 alone my family gone there was no making sense of it.  I had no friends all the friends were his… He always thought he was better than anyone else.. Always right.  He was a drunk never physically violent but the mental abuse turned out to be worse.  And once I was aware of various women he had had on the side the lies all became apparent.  I never ever got something nice brought for me but the women whom he treated so well were not as priveledge as I was to be his cleaner, slave and the one he would have worry for nights on end when he just never came home I remember once phoning hospitals I was worried but no explanation when I asked I was nagging I now know he never wanted to be there.

So here I am, I had no idea what the outside world was like but I was so very wrong to assume everyone was just like me a good person brought up with good morals.  But I had also lived In a bubble I remember seeing homeless people for the first time it was heartbreaking and so non Australian and no body cared Governments didn’t that’s for sure. 

So I had lived a sheltered life I made some friends, I mean I met some people who would see my kindness as a weakness, and I was either Gullable or stupid or both. I had never done drugs shit I didn’t even drink it started with speed made me feel I could cope with the loss of my children I felt like I had control of myself, I gained back my self esteem and was looking good.  During this time I met a man who treated me like so nice he had two awesome kids and I just adored them I fell in love with this man for the first time I actually knew how it felt.  It lasted about 8 months but he still deeply loved his ex the mother of his children I call it right place wrong time. And yes I’m guilty of allowing his kids to fill a very empty void in my heart.

When we split I went back to the so called friends I had I now refer to them as the  bottom feeders of society, only speed seemed to go out of Vogue..  I would start to use what I call the demon drug ICE. I wanted destruction well I wouldn’t know for some time how much devastation would be caused.

Author: my3littleducksnevercameback

A mum destroyed, I can't find a happy place in my heart or mind it never gets easier.. 6 years on and the pain I just can't take anymore.

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