As an alienated mum I dread life’s milestones things like the kids birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s Day etc. Memories flood in some make you smile others make you sad for the rest of my life happy times will always be a constant reminder of my children but also a constant reminder of my pain.
Then there comes celebrations these are the things I’ve talked about they are a list of things that I would do my hardest to prepare for this was tested for real on the weekend.
A news report which featured one of my sons had him initially with some work friends then toward the end of the report it watched my son walk over to people in the crowd and he be holding a beautiful baby girl I was happy at the time then all those things I had tried to prepare myself for I couldn’t even think then just as quick I was overcome by inconsolable sadness and the realization she was my granddaughter and I may never know her name and I may never get to hold her.
All these milestones, celebrations and a constant ongoing calendar a ferocious circle.
Is it possible for the pain to ever go away, for me it’s still excruciating so I doubt it.