Buying Love

When the kids were erased out of my life, I thought awesome presents would bring them back.. But it seemed their manners the way I raised the had also been erased, not so much as a thank you nothing.. So from that point on I became a wannabe crafty woman, I made them scrapbooks,  Coloured metal plates designed with puffy paint and glitter, of course it made no difference.

This week however I sent the 3 of them a very nice watch each, I don’t have a lot of money scraped & saved you know what it’s like.  I guess for me the watches symbolised how time just flys by, I wanted them to realize that too late is just that and can’t be undone, I should rephrase I was hoping they would realize.

The inscription on the back of each one reads ” I was always there, now I’m here.

Will this have any emotional effect on them I don’t know, same questions I’m always asking, 

Picture quality not the best my apologies.

DO THEY THINK ABOUT ME?

DO THEY MISS ME?

DO THEY LOVE ME?

The Narcissist has had control of my emotion’s for 7 years.. 

If your husband leaved you for another woman the Marriage is clearly over so why does he still want to control the wife he no longer wishes to be married to. And how does the homewrecker not see this happening.  Its clear the mind of the narcissist is devoted to two people one to love and one to destroy.

I had been cheated on for 17 years and I mean the entire marriage.  He has broken up homes, my best friend married 4 children gutted by the deceit. Her husband a great bloke caught them in bed together, I wish he had of shared the information at through time it would of changed the course of history for me and my 3 children and given me back 5 wasted years.

I know know the lies of working late, interstate travel, dinners, the list goes on were all a fabrication in his secret world of women. AndI believed him why because I didn’t see any reason whatsoever he would lie to me, because it wasn’t just me he was lying to it was his family his children.

He and the homewrecker went on to marry had a child and that’s great I hope he treats her well and not the doormat I was the one that put up with the drunken confrontations, and lies.  I then ask myself how could this woman now herself a mother condone the alienation of another mother, does she ever wonder if one day it could be her, I guess it just shows the poor character of these people.

I have finally released the control of this narcissistic bastard and thanks to Veterans Affairs am in trauma counselling for severe PTSD. My heart will be forever broken but to gain the tools to have empowerment over my pain I can learn to live again.

The Divorce

When the divorce papers were done I wrote in detail in the space provided on the form about the kids being denied contact with me and by this stage I didn’t know the day of the week I was loosing the ability to function mentally.  The papers came back and REGISTRAR WALSH OF PARRAMATTA FAMILY COURT WRITES AND I QUOTE. “THERE ARE CIRCUMSTANCES BY REASON OF WHICH THE DIVORCE SHOULD TAKE EFFECT EVEN THOUGH THE COURT IS NOT SATISFIED THAT PROPER ARRANGEMENTS IN ALL THE CIRCUMSTANCES HAS BEEN MADE FOR THE CARE,WELFARE AND DEVELOPMENT OF THECHILD/CHILDREN.”

The court knew it was wrong they had a duty of care to my children.  They admit it will FUCK them up ie Development..And the court allows it.

The fucking court the legal system says it’s ok. 

It’s not OK … I never ever laid a hand on my kids, I was a good mum, I made baby powder bunny feet to show the Easter Bunny was really there.  

I got up at 4am when Santa had been but the bastard made 3 excited little faces go back to bed till he was ready.

When is over over

We all try to stay together for the kids for the materialistic things.  I truly deeply loved my ex husband I wasn’t ready for it the I’m not in love with you anymore line.. Looking back now it’s unlikely he ever was.. falling pregnant unplanned then before u know it married, this was not the life he wanted I know that now. 

Not totally blameless as a typical wife in the suburbs who at some point in time cared nothing of her appearance, I did always work full-time still no excuse, self esteem in the toilet, overweight, externally very unattractive as the marriage continued on its decent of demise I became internally unattractive as well, rude, a bitch all the time and I never gave my husband what every husband partner needs intamacy and yes u got it sex.. men have to have i, it’s apart of who they are and I can 99% assure you of your not giving it to your man he is getting it from somewhere and how I know this will come later.  No matter how big or small you are every woman is sexy in her own way it comes from the inside not sexy lingerie and heels.  I found this way after my marriage was over but it will never benefit me as my life became numb when he took my 3 little ducks away.