My first born was on the 7th; I was born on the 17th; Their dad the 14th; my 2nd son the 21st, Their granddad the 17th; my daughter the 27th. I am also in my 47th year.
I’m moving forward and thinking of myself, how I feel, how I’m feeling. The loss of my 3 bestest friends and with that no pill to take way the pain. I live in a traumatic isolated world where my delusions are of past happiness spent with these 3 little friends. I publish this some 70 days in advance not to dwell on it or for my family what’s left of it to dwell on it but to draw from it 27 years of profound happiness being the Mum of these 3 little friends gave to me.
It’s not about leaving anyone behind, it’s not about trying to erase your own memories, memories are what I look forward to everyday and right now it’s all I have. Moving on is about forgiveness, it’s about letting go of the hate, the blame , the he said she said. You must find your own happy place. And I know the sad stuff of missing your kids isn’t going to go away for over 2190 days I’ve cried in every one of them. And I know I’ll never forget one of those days. But I also know nothing can change this. I’ve let go of the hate quite some time ago, it’s a tiresome lonely bitter feeling that will suck the life out of you. I reached for positives, one of them is I’m GRATEFUL that his new wife has been good to my kids it was a lot to take on but she
could of been the step mother that was unkind, hateful and spitful. I’m PROUD that I raised jointly 3 amazing good kids.
To Dean and Sharon, what amazing kids we have. And your little bloke I think he looks like Zac. Emotions, anger, hate, jealousy, bitterness, fear, the list could go on whether you believe me or not 2 years ago I sat on my mums porch and told her I don’t hate him mum. I now know mental illness it’s thrown everything at me and for the first year or so of seeking help floundering in the public system, I applied for and was granted a non liability white card for my mental health treatment private doctors, private hospitals, I can hear Dean say she was only in for 5 minutes he often made this crack, well luckily legislation states you only need serve 1 day. I’m not saying I’m cured I will always have this but treated and stable I can rebuild your life, I’m just hoping I can somehow let you see this so the kids don’t have any reason to be afraid of me, I love them I’d never hurt them, I never did the only person I’ve hurt is myself and yes I agree it has repercussed in to them.
I can’t change the past but I can change the future. Getting to see and hold my beautiful neice India the 4th most recent memorable moment, she’s so cute and reminds me so much of Georgia the other 3 moments are yet to happen I’ll wait as long as it takes, but I know I can’t do it without the two of you.
Used to it sure, like it no, deserve it no way, but I doubt even Humptys Kingsmen would waste their time putting me back together again.
Almost every second day I hear from yet another alienated parent, we feel each other’s pain as only the alienated can.
We band together worldwide yes it happens everywhere and it doesn’t discriminate, Mum or dad, makes me wonder if there are enough of us in this country for ya all to march into Parliament House in protest, you see the senators we voted for who promised to make a stand have failed, failed us and failed our children.
Below is a message I received today and right when I needed it, Dawn your timing was heaven sent.