Moving On!!!

It’s not about leaving anyone behind, it’s not about trying to erase your own memories, memories are what I look forward to everyday and right now it’s all I have. Moving on is about forgiveness, it’s about letting go of the hate, the blame , the he said she said. You must find your own happy place. And I know the sad stuff of missing your kids isn’t going to go away for over 2190 days I’ve cried in every one of them. And I know I’ll never forget one of those days. But I also know nothing can change this. I’ve let go of the hate quite some time ago, it’s a tiresome lonely bitter feeling that will suck the life out of you. I reached for positives, one of them is I’m GRATEFUL that his new wife has been good to my kids it was a lot to take on but she

could of been the step mother that was unkind, hateful and spitful. I’m PROUD that I raised jointly 3 amazing good kids.

To Dean and Sharon, what amazing kids we have. And your little bloke I think he looks like Zac. Emotions, anger, hate, jealousy, bitterness, fear, the list could go on whether you believe me or not 2 years ago I sat on my mums porch and told her I don’t hate him mum. I now know mental illness it’s thrown everything at me and for the first year or so of seeking help floundering in the public system, I applied for and was granted a non liability white card for my mental health treatment private doctors, private hospitals, I can hear Dean say she was only in for 5 minutes he often made this crack, well luckily legislation states you only need serve 1 day. I’m not saying I’m cured I will always have this but treated and stable I can rebuild your life, I’m just hoping I can somehow let you see this so the kids don’t have any reason to be afraid of me, I love them I’d never hurt them, I never did the only person I’ve hurt is myself and yes I agree it has repercussed in to them.

I can’t change the past but I can change the future. Getting to see and hold my beautiful neice India the 4th most recent memorable moment, she’s so cute and reminds me so much of Georgia the other 3 moments are yet to happen I’ll wait as long as it takes, but I know I can’t do it without the two of you.

The Narcissist has had control of my emotion’s for 7 years.. 

If your husband leaved you for another woman the Marriage is clearly over so why does he still want to control the wife he no longer wishes to be married to. And how does the homewrecker not see this happening.  Its clear the mind of the narcissist is devoted to two people one to love and one to destroy.

I had been cheated on for 17 years and I mean the entire marriage.  He has broken up homes, my best friend married 4 children gutted by the deceit. Her husband a great bloke caught them in bed together, I wish he had of shared the information at through time it would of changed the course of history for me and my 3 children and given me back 5 wasted years.

I know know the lies of working late, interstate travel, dinners, the list goes on were all a fabrication in his secret world of women. AndI believed him why because I didn’t see any reason whatsoever he would lie to me, because it wasn’t just me he was lying to it was his family his children.

He and the homewrecker went on to marry had a child and that’s great I hope he treats her well and not the doormat I was the one that put up with the drunken confrontations, and lies.  I then ask myself how could this woman now herself a mother condone the alienation of another mother, does she ever wonder if one day it could be her, I guess it just shows the poor character of these people.

I have finally released the control of this narcissistic bastard and thanks to Veterans Affairs am in trauma counselling for severe PTSD. My heart will be forever broken but to gain the tools to have empowerment over my pain I can learn to live again.